"Fourth Down...And It's Not Football!"

Forging on...or can I say..."Fourthing" gone! Today went pretty well, white blood cells were a little high along with some elevation in my blood sugar, which they think is coming from my steroids. Red blood cells a little low. I will be having my "Neulasta Shot" tomorrow, and I'm not looking forward to it! All in all it was a pretty uneventful day of chemo. Our appointment time was a little later than usual and the treatment room was more crowded than ever. A couple in their 30's were sitting adjacent to me and hubby. We didn't speak but to say "hello," but I overheard the lady telling the chemo nurse about her breast cancer, which sounded eerily like mine. As she finished up her treatment before me, the husband stepped over, leaned in to me and asked politely if he could ask some personal questions, I said "of course," knowing that it would be about his wife's treatment. He began by asking how long after the first treatment did I lose my hair, as this was her first treatment. I opened my mouth to speak and hubby's voice came out...each question that was asked to me, hubby would answer. It wasn't long until he had taken out my cell phone and began showing him pics of when I had my head buzzed and the end result...bald! As the couple left the room, you can imagine that I cleaned Hubby's "plow!" I must say, he has been a jewel to me through all this, and I suppose if he has a need to speak for me, I'll allow it for now. I look at him often as we sit through the long 4 1/2 hours. He reads his Bible and all the Christian literature he has brought with him. Thank you God for a husband who loves me and you!

"Minor Inconveniences!"

Third chemo, first week...down! Tomorrow begins my first week of the remaining two weeks, that I get to flirt with "being normal." I'm becoming all to familiar with the routine now. You start out with filling your body with miralax, then drink enough water to float a boat, take your day of chemo, three days of disgusting powder supplements and pills, drink enough water to float an ocean liner, next day, get your Neulasta shot, which will hit you like a ton of bricks by the day after, your stomach will bloat until you think you'll explode, the battle of constipation continues, butt and mouth rashes appear, last two days of the first week, unloading of your body waste via all the laxatives you've taken occurs, making you a prisoner in your house for fear to go anywhere...finally, experience two pretty good weeks and then start all over again. From speaking to friends and strangers who have been on chemo, this routine I have described, is a breeze compared to their stories, so I praise God for it all! I try to refer to it all as "minor inconveniences."

"Elephant or Elbow?"

Busy dreading my treatment tomorrow...I happen to notice a little muffled "ta da" in my right ear on Sunday. Not thinking much of it, I ignore it at first as it wasn't doing it all the time. That night, I began to notice it more. Thinking it felt as if a piece of wax was near my eardrum, As I have experienced in the past, I hurry upstairs in privacy to clean my ears out "with a bobby pin!" I know to most of you that this is absurd, but, for some reason, I have done this for many, many years...Reaching in to give it a whirl, I hit the jack pot, a chunk of very hard wax! I then take a tissue and see if there may be more, but only come out with a spot of "BLOOD!" Now if my husband had known what I was doing upstairs, he would be very upset with me, so needless to say, I didn't say a word other than my ear was bothering me. The next day, my ear continued to do the little muffled noise, so I discovered some ear drops which probably expired 3 or 4 years ago and dropped them into my ear. As it hit my eardrum, I jumped as if I had hit a "jackpot!" I was hardly consolable. I rushed out to hubby in tremendous pain, telling him my sob story...minutes later, my ear stops up...Dealing with it the remainder of the day and night, I am anxious to call my oncologist office to see what to do, since I would be having Chemo tomorrow. The nurse "Willie" is prompt to return my call, instructing me to go to my GP and see what the story is. Off I go, having to confess every sorted detail, and receiving the news that my ear was as clean as a whistle, with no wax or infection, but seemed to have a tiny puncture in the drum. My doctor told me that usually these things heal by themselves, but that I would have some uncomfortable days. He advised me not to put anything else in my ear so it could heal, and that there is a possibility of having to visit an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, and I sure don't want that! My boss gave me a piece of advice as well as I returned to work. He told me as the old saying goes.."Don't put anything in your ear...smaller than your elbow!" I thought for sure, he was going to say "smaller than an ELEPHANT!"

"Crying Time Again!"

It's a Saturday, prior to the Wednesday that I go for my third treatment. When I rolled out of bed this morning, I knew that it was going to be a "crying day." I have found that when I get in one of these moods, nothing soothes me, like God's Word and fervent prayer. The only thing I can liken it to is the saying I used to hear as a child.."It feels like somebody just walked over my grave." Worry sets in and all the "what ifs" began to speak to you. A look in the mirror doesn't help matters either. I can actually say that I have had the scare of my life, only by seeing myself in all of my weakness. I have heard that during chemo, you have one bad week and two good ones, before you have to go again. But I am learning that the last week for me, can be the worse because I am the closest to my old self. My appetite is back, I am feeling stronger, I enjoy getting out more, and all of a sudden, BAM! I am reminded that only a few more days and I'll have to start all over again... I must stay on guard, on task of being the new label I've been given, a cancer patient. On days like today, I try to count my blessings, which I know are many. I just hope and pray that after all is said and done, God will raise up from the ashes; a new me.

"Hanging in There!"

It's been six days since my second treatment and I must say, I am still reeling somewhat. Bladder spasms, insomnia, a sore tongue and a touch of nausea has been the rule for several days now. Watching what I eat and drinking water is becoming a little annoying but helpful. I know it could be much worse, and I do remember that I dealt with most of the same with the first treatment. I have tons of nausea meds, but choose not to take any until it becomes necessary. Since several have been known to cause constipation and one a narcotic, I'll just try to stick it out, hoping that it will all end soon. The Neulasta shot that I had the day after treatment for the white blood count, was exactly as I had been told, "bone aching." I was sidelined on the couch all day with thoughts that tiny people were walking around my body with long needles, sticking them in my limbs. When my hair began to shed all over several weeks ago, I had it buzzed, I never dreamed I would soon have "stubble." If it all stays in through this treatment, I may have some hair in a few months or so; as gray as my mother's, but at least "hair." Through it all today, I have been to work, made a ton of spaghetti for all my kids, washed, dried and sorted laundry galore and still have a few more good hours left. Already dreading the third round, I cling to the thought that I have 15 days left to recover!

"Two Down!"

Well, today is my second day after my second chemo...not feeling a thing...so far...praising God for all HIS blessings! I did have to have a "neulasta shot" yesterday...instead of having a low white blood count like most chemo patients have, I had an elevated one, which could mean some infection somewhere. My doctor thinks that I still have a little infection from the abscessed tooth I had removed a month or so ago. I'm not sure. But, he decided to give me only a half dose of the drug. As I was sitting having my treatment, my cell phone rang and it was my "insurance navigator." She was inquiring as to how I was doing and if I had any questions about anything...I told her not that I could think of, and mentioned that I would be having a neulasta shot the next day. She told me that each shot cost $8,000.00. Since I received only a half of one, I guess I got a discount of $4,000.00. Forging on, taking a day at a time. I keep remembering the words of my doctor when I was first given my diagnosis. He said "Cancer will change your life forever!" This I know!

"Here We Go Again!"

As I head out the door this morning, I have that feeling as if I'm forgetting something. You know it...we all have it from time to time. I look in the rearview mirror in the car and can see I have my wig on, my tooth in and touch my right side to feel my bra padding. Alright, everything is present and accounted for! Walking into work, I reach for my cell phone, and there it "isn't!" Of all the items listed above, I was glad to know that the one missing was my cell phone! Another feeling I've been having is similar to one's first day at school, a big knot in my stomach, dreading the event, but wishing to hurry up and get it over with, my second chemo treatment. I have two days left to accumulate more anxiety. How wonderful it has felt to just be out of a doctor's office for the past 3 weeks. It was almost like being "normal" again. I have refilled my pill dispenser up with the necessary meds. I begin tomorrow taking my steroid meds, which is suppose to make me "hyper" and as I have learned...make me eat too much as well! The water drinking also begins tomorrow and escalates the day of and day after chemo. I must say, I am not looking forward to that. My first treatment was "do-able" I just hope this one follows suit. I am a little uneasy about the white blood cell injection that I will have to return for on Thursday, but know that with God's help, I'll make it through. I covet each and everyone of your prayers. Please lift me up on Wednesday and Thursday especially...love to you all!