"Best Medicine!"

With one treatment behind me, I am spending most of my time, mentally counting down til the next one. I was reading an announcement this morning at work when my eyes popped at the site of the date on it, August 14th. Seeing that date and knowing it will be my next treatment, made me cringe. It's not that it was all that bad...it's just the inconvenience of it all and the nasty littly things that came with it. So far, I have had a bout with constipation, a rash of Biblical proportions in the southern region, another itchy rash around my neck, sore mouth, insominia, random sharp pains in every inch of the body and achy hair folicles...indicating their departure soon. I suppose in the scheme of things, all these are minor. Hubby was all reclined back last night and stated, well, you only have 17 more treatments! I said,"are you kidding me, I have five!" He had gotten the weeks mixed up with the treatments, saying that he had been telling everybody that I had 17 more...and this is the person who oversees my medicine. Reminds me of the old adage "LAUGHTER is the best medicine!"

"MOM!"

Well, the third day that was supposed to be the worse, has come and gone, leaving me with only "constipation issues!" I have been told that if that's all I have to worry about now, that I'm doing good. I've called the doctor's office to get necessary instructions for the above problem, and I tell the nurse how well I've been doing. She informs me that I will need a "white blood cell" injection the day after my next treatment. I was feeling really good and then she sprang that on me. Since yesterday, I have whacked the sprouts on all my crepe myrtle trees, pulled weeds out of the sidewalk, and cooked several meals. Something is telling me that I should enjoy this one because the next one won't come so easy. I'm just trusting God to carry me through all of this, HIM and "Milk Of Magnesia!"

"The Third Day!"

A huge lightening storm this past Saturday, knocked our phone and internet out. With reports made to our phone company, and promises of repair work done on Wednesday, I was unable to be on the computer for several days. My big day has come and gone. It was a long day of nearly six straight hours of infusions. I had been encouraged to drink water, water, water, the day before and the day of Chemo, in order to flush a lot of it out of my kidneys. I have to say that I am not a fan of "H2o." Matter a fact, if I try to drink it when I'm not thirsty, I will soon be gagging. Yesterday and today, however was a different story. Forcing myself to drink at least 48 oz. yesterday and 99 oz. today was a surprising victory for me. The only problem with that, is what goes in, must come out!" My husband was delighted to take picture after picture of me and my IV pole heading to the facilities every 30 minutes or less for six straight hours! A steroid pill was prescribed for me the day before, after and for tomorrow, along with plenty of anti-nausea meds in my chemo in order to keep me feeling well until the "third day" and then I am warned that it will "hit." Arriving home today, a package awaited me in my mailbox from my husband's relative who lives out of state. Opening the box, I find a bracelet with a "sideways" cross on it. If you've read some of my ramblin's you know what the sideway cross means to me. What a beautiful treasure. A friend from church had made a beautiful black scarf for me which I know took days to make. So many prayers, so many tokens of love and friendship have been given. I love you all! A special friend gave me scripture from Psalm 25, which gave me such comfort before leaving this morning. One verse I kept in my mind and heart today as I sat there being "infused!" Verse 15: "Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net." Thank you God, for "plucking me out of the net" if just for today.

"Getting Started!"

As I exited the doctor's office yesterday, relief was nowhere to be found. I had long awaited the words "you can go ahead and start chemo" for weeks now, so I wouldn't have to dread it anymore. Thoughts of "I wish I had more time," or "I wish I didn't have to do it at all," were going through my mind. Nonetheless, Monday at 9:45 am is my first treatment. I suppose I can look at it several ways; one, this is something that's going to help me, potentially save my life, or this is something that's going to make me feel terrible! For now, I will go with the first one. If one went by how they feel as to how healthy their body is, I could weedeat several acres of grass and throw in a brisk walk. But we all know that "feeling good" is not always our gauge. I have been busy in my house, cleaning out closets, unused bedrooms, throwing out wall hangings that have years of dust, washing anything and everything that doesn't move...Saturday we will clean all floors and fabrics...I'm not so sure if I'm ready for Chemo, but one thing is for sure, like my sister Sue says, "I can't finish until I get started!"

"The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!"

The sun has come out, the stitches in my gum have come out, and tomorrow, I head out to see my oncologist about healing, results of my heart scan and when I can start my treatments. With a tiny scab remaining on my mastectomy and a glimpse of where my tooth used to be, I have a feeling he will say, wait another week. I have commented to several friends that I have never wanted to do anything so bad in all my life, that I didn't want to do at all, than I do Chemo. I have never stepped foot in a GNC store these 59 years, now I have frequented there several times in the past week, getting all my vitamins and supplements necessary to take during treatment and was unable to find them anywhere else. My husband has made me a trusty medicine chart, but it was so small that I couldn't even read it with my magnifying glasses. He assures me that he can enlarge it with the click of a mouse. I'm not sure how long the rain will have stopped, but it sure does feel good to bask in the sunshine, if not for just a few more days. On the same note, it feels good to be spending these last days before treatment as a so called "normal" person, laughing, eating out, and walking around with hair on my head, just before the "rain" comes again.

"The Great Physician"

Thinking today and praying for so many around me who are going through sickness and illness. My heart aches for the children who are facing surgery, disease, heartache, hunger... I look toward the true Healer...."Jesus Christ!" Not knowing what lies ahead is very frightening, but I cling to His precious Word and know that someday, there will be a better tomorrow. Please join with me and pray for all the ones around us who are going through similar circumstances. This song by Kari Jobe was playing the other day as I drove to work..."Healer" Enjoy!

"The Truth About the Tooth!"

Awaking this morning to a little soreness in my tooth from the surgery the night before, and feeling good about the prospect of saving it from being pulled for several years to come, my husband and I head out to a long awaited doctor's visit to have my heart scan and a talk with the Physician's Assistant about when I will began chemo and all the particulars. My dentist had shared the procedure he had performed on my tooth with me, so that I could fill my doctor in on the details. Because there was infection present, the PA informed me that I would have to heal before chemo could began, probably another two weeks, since healing is difficult during treatment, but she would talk with my doctor who was in surgery at the hospital and let me know what he said. I had my heart scan and headed back home. Several hours later, my phone rings and it's Nicole, the PA. She tells me that she has spoken with my doctor and he wants me to have the tooth "pulled!" My mind suddenly goes back to the night before when my dentist and his assistant so willingly gave up their evening with family and stayed to help save my tooth, not to mention the soreness and stitches I was sporting. I call the dental office and tell them the news. I am told to come on over and they will do as the doctor asked. As I type this blog, I find it harder and harder to see the outside of the person I used to be. Within 3 months time, I have lost a breast, a tooth and soon my hair. Does this bother me, some. Do I know that this is a bump in the road in the scheme of things, while others suffer far worse fate, yes. As I sat in the dental chair today, waiting for my "sleepy juice" to work, I had a heart to heart with the One who made every inch of my body. "Whatever, you want Lord, whatever it is that I must do...use it to glorify you. I thank you God for allowing me to have my breast, my tooth, my hair...my life, if for only a season." On the drive home, I think of this scripture: Ecclesiastes 3: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. 11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

"The Masked Man and His Assistant!"

The old adage, "When it Rains it Pours" seems to apply not only to the weather we've been having in North Carolina, but to "yours truly" as well. Noticing that my front tooth was feeling a little sore, but reassuring myself that it was sporting a crown and a root canal from 25 years back, I kept putting off having it looked into. Knowing that I would be going for my heart scan tomorrow and "chemo conversation" I decided I'd better have it checked out before I got into my treatment. I awaited the 8:00 am mark on the clock and anxiously called my dental office. The folks there are just like family and always willing to accommodate one. The lady on the phone said, "can you come in around 9:30?" Ready to get an answer on my tooth, I headed on over to the office at my appointed time. The dental assistant made some x-rays and I could feel it in my toes that they weren't good. The Dentist came in and delivered the bad news, I had an abscess in my tooth with infection in the bone...knowing that I'll be starting Chemo within a week, I became worried. Assurance was made, and an appointment as well for me to return this evening for oral surgery to clean everything out and an attempt at saving the tooth. I have joked all day about myself being right in step for Halloween this year, if I loose my front tooth and hair to boot! I have just returned home and the tall masked gentleman and his worthy assistant did a great job at an attempt to keep my tooth. Time will tell, but news was encouraging. I am so thankful to live in a small town where a facebook friend is your dental assistant and the Dentist is the "masked man!"

"Moving On"

Tomorrow will end my stay at my daughter's place in Wilmington, NC. When we first arrived, I cried for nearly two days straight, homesick and feeling like a six year old kid away at camp. I have had a restful time, even though my cup is yet to drink when I return home. Each morning I would wake up early while everyone else was still snoring, lying still while visions of chemo danced in my head. I have come to know that the only peace I can truly have is through reading God's Word each day and constantly calling upon Him to settle my nerves. My mastectomy seems to have healed nicely and I thank Him for that. I have been trying to drink plenty of liquids as I have issues with this on a regular day. I know that this will be expected of me during treatment. I keep pushing back the thoughts that my heart will in someway not be strong enough to take the drug I need to and when I have my Echo-gram on the 9th, they'll say to me..."sorry, but..." I keep telling God that He's the one that made me and that He knows I'm a worrier..and if He wants me to stop worrying, He'll have to do it...it's beyond me. Whatever lies ahead, I will have to face it. I must say that I have offered any and everybody that will listen, a nice looking wig to wear and a pocketful of pennies if they'd like to take my place, but so far...no takers. God bless each and everyone who reads this and who has said a prayer for me. You'll never know how much it means to me.